Farewell encomium

A tribute... This simply does not do justice, but well..

Haziness, clouds his eyes
All he can hear are collective sighs.
In happiness or despair?
He cant tell, he doesn’t care

He is just like a shooting star
All gaze in wonder from afar
Star-struck he leaves everyone
Their eyes blazing like the sun

His voice invokes a strange feeling
It resonates within every being
The words tumble out with a mystic force
Love, philosophy and ancient lores

Today he is gripped with a strange mood
He drinks a bit and refuses food
The bar is an interesting mix
Musicians, playwrights and a few critics

He saunters around looking for his friends,
To get his fix, which everything mends.
Derailment and jolting of senses he seeks,
The heightened state when God speaks.

His wish is fulfilled, the fix he finds
Snorts some and to his music he grinds
Swaying gently imbibing the feeling
Colours speak to him, his mind is reeling

Answers he seeks are very close
In the form of images, notes and prose
To understand them, solitude he needs
He looks for silence and finally succeeds

On the bathroom floor he stretches out
Feels like he is gushing out of a whale’s spout
He pushes the limit further still
Takes some more, goes for the kill

The feeling is sinking in very deep
A frenzy of emotions make him weep
The circles now, spin and dance
He tries to taste them at every chance

Soon his mouth is a foaming mess
He tries to wipe it off, with no success
Sitting up, with his back propped on the walls
His head, between his knees falls

A ghost-like apparition of himself he sees
Unlocking The Doors with the keys
Riders on the storm, are waiting at the bend
Yes, he knows, this is The End…

Holy Matrimony

Its that annoying age when everyone around you is getting married, or at least getting engaged. I know three people in my social circle, who are engaged and two who are married. Everyone I know, knows at least 3 people who are either engaged or married. Even without doing the math on this, I am irritated. (No, my parents are not pestering me to do the same and they are not going to do that for a very long time.) Obviously, this trend has not gone unnoticed by most of my friends and this becomes a point of discussion. Yesterday's discussion takes the cake though..

S: I don't get it! Why do we have to get married? I mean, I am a one woman man, but why must it be certified with marriage?
Me: Well, I don't know either. I guess its just a way of showing your commitment. Not that, if you get married you are bound to stay committed for the rest of your life.

S: Exactly! You might not stay married to that person for ever if you don't like them.
Its just something invented by society to force faithfulness.
Me: Yes, and faithfulness or sincerity in a relationship cannot be forced. If it comes naturally , it does. A marriage is a relationship. If you choose to end it, you get a divorce. A fancier break-up, if you may.

S: See, thats what I am talking about! A marriage is not going to change your relationship with that person. You will end up doing the same things. Whats the point?
Me: Yupp! Its a bit beyond my understanding, but thats how the world is. I am not averse to it, but I don't think it is necessary.

S: Yeah, and all that tremendous waste of money. It really gets under my skin. I really don't want to marry my girlfriend. I think its perfectly fine, if she just moves in with me and we go about everything the usual way. But, she gets so excited by the "big weddings". I am probably going to marry her twice. Once, the Hindu way and then in a church. She wants both
Me: I can see how elated you are. Marriages are a pretty stupid and easy way to lose money. Heck, I would rather use that entirely on a honeymoon, without a marriage

S: See, now we are talking! Thats what I am saying! You know what?
Me: What?

S: I think I am going to get marry you.
Me: !!!!!!!

The young ones have all the fun

To all those of you who have a younger sibling, life is unfair right? You give in to all their demands, eventually, however ridiculous. You are often the shield and the punching bag at the same time. Yes, the younger ones revel in all this. I can often spot a hint of evil in my sister's eyes when she watches me squirm! A snapshot of "hint of evil" provoking incident.

Scene: I have come back home, after a bad day at work. I am snugly curled up in my bed, about to fall asleep.

S: Madhu, I want to go to the bathroom.
Me: So, go na..

S: I am scared of the lizard on the wall outside our door. Go see if its there na, please..
Me: Aarey yaar! Its a lizard on the wall! Its not anywhere near you!

S:Please go see no..please
Me: *groans* fine, fine, wait..

Me: No, there is nothing here
S: Check properly, i am sure you are not looking!
Me: WTF!! (in my head) I did, ok. Now you can go.

(I drop into my bed. I am just hitting the ideal drowsiness state.)

S: Madhu..check in the bathroom also na.
Me: WHAT? You said it was outside the room.
S: But it could have crawled inside, no?
Me: *murderous look in eyes* fine! I will check.

ME: NO, its not there. Now, will you go?
S: Ok, but now i dont feel like it...

Me:!@#@$#$#@#%%

The end..Jim Morrison

"This is the end, beautiful friend.
It hurts to set you free,
But you'll never follow me.
The end of laughter and soft lies.
The end of nights we tried to die.
This is the... end."

-Jim Morrison

Simple words and very apt that I found it today.
Hail Morrison.

Bombay

This post has been long overdue. Everyone who lives here and loves this place finally succumbs to the urge of expressing their feelings about Bombay. How perfect it is with all its imperfections. How crowded the locals are. How its bursting at its seams with the millions that throng the city. How you experience contradictory emotions each time you try to describe what Bombay means to you. How you yearn for the city when you are away.. The list is endless.

I have not lived in Bombay for all my life. I even hated Bombay when I first shifted. But that was more due to leaving my friends behind, than anything else. Grudgingly, I gave the city a chance and slowly everything fell into place. I started enjoying my new school and my new house. I made plenty of friends and was soon ensconced in the niche that I had carved out. There were also trips to Churchgate to look forward to. The footpath bookshops were undisputedly my favourites. I still have my prize catch, the 5 in 1 Asterix that I bought here.

Life went by at the pace of a fast train and before I knew it my HSC board exams were also done. It was around this time that I celebrated love and loss at the same time. Three months after having decided that I had a massive crush on someone, I had to leave the city, to shift to Pune. Long distance relationships are difficult. It was very painful at first and I was in depression for almost 3 months. However a few trips to Bombay in that period, cleared my apprehensions. I fell in love all over again when I read Shantaram. It laid the basis for the new realtionship and heartbreak. Despite faltering so much, we reamined together. I am happy to say that, Bombay and I were united again on 16 July 2008. There has been no looking back.

What I love most about Bombay is that both vice and virtue are celebrated here. People dont shy away from vices. There is no shame in it because every human is capable of the same lows and the same highs. Bombay helps to destroy the carefully crafted illusions of utopia and makes you face reality. You are forced to deal with your hypocrisy at some point or the other. This is what I am most thankful for. That and fresh starts.

I have always managed to start afresh here. Whether it is my prejudice or actual good fortune, I cannot say. Inspiration can be found at every corner. Whether it is in the form of my friends or trips to the seaface, its all here. Staring at the sea, sitting on Marine Drive is almost a holy experience.The range of emotions that one experiences when sitting there are baffling. People go there to find solace, inspiration, love, melancholy and peace. Everyone finds exactly what they are looking for. Looking at the sun set, walking the entire strecth from Nariman Point to Chowpatty are undisputed ways to win someone over. I am happy to have been part of that process as well. However, the true beauty of the sea comes out when it is raining. The ferocity of the waves and the threat it poses is mesmerizing. In such weather, I hope to be able to sit and watch a drunk someone writing poetry, while looking at the sea.

Musings on Bombay will always remain incomplete. There is much to capture about this place. Chilling out at Leopold's with beers followed by bhurji pav since all the money was spent on the drinks. Walking to Siddhivinayak to appease the Lord followed by seeking blessings at Haji Ali. Cruising around in South Bombay in a car followed by catching the last local back home. There is place for everything here and everything is possible here. I love Bombay with all its contradictions. It feels human and I love it.

Something happened...

Current affairs. These are the current state of affairs. In whose life? Inspired by whom? Two people I know. I am going to watch it unravel.

One instant and everything changed. Freefalling, without any thoughts. Going with flow, being swept off. Swept off with the current and in the process of getting swept off his feet? How much do they talk? Prerequistes are meeting, observing and proximity. Yet, without any of these..How? Feasibility analysis has not been conducted yet. Take it slow or retain the pace. Neither, just take it easy.

Inspired by destiny

It was meant to be. Did I see it coming? Probably, a part of me was strongly wishing for it to happen. It was my last resort to find some sanity in all the chaos that raged around me. Everything just fell into place. I was on facebook, distracting myself from the mess that I had created. Along came D.

It was a very casual chat session. Diet plans, TT, Football and the likes. Just then, I remember a casual remark made by a dear friend of mine about D. I asked him about destiny. Did he believe in it? Yes, he did. Do I believe in it? Yes, I do as well. I believe that destiny is a huge expanse of space with a boundary. You cant go beyond the boundary limit. You can very well run around and explore the entire space. Here is where your free will comes into play. So, my belief involves an intertwining of both destiny and free will.

He believed that everything happened for a particular reason and that no event was out of place. However, he tries to fight destiny. He tries to play around with it. His methods of doing that are sometimes extreme and punishing. But he does that anyway. I suggested though, that it all comes down to a confusing mess of,"it is destiny that you are trying to fight destiny". The vicious circle can just continue forever. But, that apart, his entire outlook towards life surprised me. How he found happiness in sorrow.He believes that sorrow is a celebration of life, so he chooses to create it when he wants to celebrate life. His outlook baffled me. I was high on the conversation. I tried to understand the multitude of thoughts pouring forth.We talked about almost every aspect of life, passions running high.

The conversation reached a very emotional crescendo and I before I knew it, I was pouring out my heart to him. I was not looking to do that, but something snapped in my head and I blurted everything out. His reaction took me by surprise. He offered his help immediately. His help would have put him in a sticky position, but he did it anyway. At that moment I knew, I had made a friend for life. Everything changed in that instant. Everything that was bogging me down, felt a bit lighter, though no solutions had been found(it was found later that day). He came along and pushed me out of the trough. I had been waiting for that to happen, though I did not know it till it did. I am very grateful to D. I will be for a very long time. You are a wonderful addition to my life and your sudden appearance in my life will be forever cherished.Thank you D.